Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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