found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
