I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
