If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
