Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
