Barsexuality is the new black.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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