your parents love me but you hate me
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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