just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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