I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Why are your pants in the freezer?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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