rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
