I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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