I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
