I faked an abortion last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
