i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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