Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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