just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
