first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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