I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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