All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
