***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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