he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
