Even water is tasting like jack daniels
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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