Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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