To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
How external is "for external use only"?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize