Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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