Apparently you make a good broom.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
