I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
