I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
