Kiss
Puke
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
