And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
