just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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