Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
