They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
