i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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