Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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