Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
