i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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