Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
