covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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