i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
