So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She just used a chaser for red wine.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
