summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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