Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
this will be a night to untag.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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