i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
