Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize