i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
