i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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