I have demons in me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
