That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
