When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
