I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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