She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
