chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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