He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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