Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
