Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
