Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
