it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
