She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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