Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize