Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
