I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
