it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
