i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
