I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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