I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
