I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
