oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
