Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
