Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Alive.
So much puke
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize