Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
