I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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