apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
