i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
is it fun? or sober?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
