this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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