I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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