farters have to be the big spoon...
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
COCAINE IS GR8
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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